15 January 2013

her.

all of us pre surgery bw
I've been thinking about the detail that gets, sometimes, overlooked in the midst of all this medical ado: we have a new baby.  A girl.
 
I am not sure yet how I feel about having a daughter.  Intimidated.  Excited.  Overwhelmed.  In awe.
 
A few days after Imogen's surgery, a nurse--she was one of the traveling contract nurses on for the holidays--pointed out two purple marks on Imogen's chest.  Ones I hadn't noticed in the tangle of wires and tubes covering what seemed like every centimeter of her tiny chest.  "See those?" she asked.  "The surgeon made those before the operation, to make sure he got her nipples lined back up--for later.  I've been in other hospitals, and they don't all do that."  That statement took my breath, as in one sweeping moment I realized not just a worry I hadn't even known to have, but also the weight these surgeries--these awful, necessary surgeries--will carry for the rest of her life.  Girl and woman.  The perpetual "later" in which a scar will always mark the space between her breasts, well-aligned though they may be.  The Later when having children of her own will not be a simple choice. 
 
For now though, for now, I just want look at her and marvel.  This girl, my daughter.   How strong she is, and how lovely.

5 comments:

kristin said...

i don't often think about that type of thing with my daughter either, though she often tends to remind me (asking how big/old she needs to be before she can get married and have babies and be a mommy). it's a crazy thing to think about. i hope Imogen has a great result and is able to have babies of her own just fine! :)

melissa q. at a happy stitch said...

Oh goodness. Somehow, this little detail is the one that got my crying. Why is that? The little things catch us off guard sometimes. You are touch as nails, Mary Frances. I"m in awe of your whole family's strength.

stitchoutsidetheditch.com said...

Like melissa q. I immediately started crying. For the beauty in the photo that accompanied this photo, for the doctors who take the time to do the details to make those purple marks, for the babies and families who aren't as fortunate, and for you and the joy and fear that you face. A girl indeed. May she be blessed enough to share your passion and confident enough in her skin to share just like you do with us.

meg said...

your last few post (well all, but these especially) have been so beautifully written. You have such a clear and strong, yet gentle voice. I'm so happy you haven't abandoned your blog, when you easily could have. And I'm so happy you let us be part of this time in your life.
xo

Erin said...

hope, beauty, reality, pain, comfort, love. i have read this and felt those things, real things. i look to a future where hearts and how they work and how we live with them, and what there is yet to learn, is unfolding more and mnore. maybe there will be miracles for your girl ahead that we can't know of yet. wishing much love and continued strength. you inspire me. xo

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